• 2 brioche buns (soft like your moral resolve)

• 2 beef patties (approx. 150g each, or whatever feels right)

• 4 slices of melty cheddar (don’t be shy)

• A handful of iceberg lettuce (for the illusion of freshness)

• 1 tomato, sliced (optional, depending on your fridge)

• 2 pickles, sliced lengthwise

• A few crispy fried onions (from a can or your cousin’s pantry)

• 2 tbsp of Burger Sauce™ (recipe below)

• Butter or oil for toasting
   

• 2 tbsp mayo

• 1 tbsp ketchup

• 1 tsp mustard

• A dash of pickle juice

• A little paprika (for color and confidence)

• Optional: a single tear of joy

Mix until emotionally consistent.